The Fortune Cookie

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Fortune: It is often better not to see an insult than to avenge it.

Fortune 2: Ignorance never settles a question.

The problem with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat. -- Lily Tomlin

A yellowstone ranger was struck seven times by lightning on separate occasions. Does that make him blessed or unlucky? Did he acquire supernatural powers? -- James

Haiku
Came down from my

ivory tower
and found no world

-- Jack Kerouac

The clouds above us join and separate,
The breeze in the courtyard leaves and returns.
Life is like that, so why not relax?
Who can stop us from celebrating?

-- Lu Yu

Lounging in my lawn chair one Sunday -- the newspapers stacked next to me, the cats arranged in comma shapes on the grass, the sun dappling the leaves in light and shade -- I thought to myself: This is it. Pure happiness. Not the blockbuster kind of happiness that we spend so much time searching for in love, work, and a good haircut -- but the smaller, more dependable happiness that lies coiled, just ready to be sprung in ordinary moments.

If happiness is as easy as this, I thought, why is it so difficult to stay happy for a long period? Happy moments -- those moments when you feel fully alive -- certainly exist. They swim by us every day like shining, silver fish waiting to be caught. When I surveyed my friends, what I hauled in on the subject turned out to be the small fish of happiness, not the big denizens of the deep. They said happiness is:

Coming home to see the answering-machine light blinking.

Triumphs by my kids, triumphs by me.

Blue Mountain coffee, freshly brewed.

Long drives by yourself.

Waking up without the alarm.

Seeing someone you love after a long absence.

Ultimately, what's so wonderful about happiness is that even when you're not searching for it, it can find you. How else can I explain the feeling I had when a small boy came up to me in the supermarket and told me he liked my shoes?

I felt happy.

-- Alice Steinbach

The Butterfly Jar
We had a jar with a butterfly
we opened the lid and it flew to the sky.
And there are things inside my head
waiting to be thought or said,
dreams and jokes and wonderings are
trapped inside, like a butterfly jar.
But then, when you are here with me,
I can open the lid and set them free.

-- Jeff Moss

Pome
If I dont use the cork

I may spill the wine --
But if I do?

-- Jack Kerouac

The Bare Tree
The bare cherry tree
higher than the roof
last year produced
abundant fruit. But how
speak of fruit confronted
by that skeleton?
Though live it may be
there is no fruit on it.
Therefore chop it down
and use the wood
against this biting cold.

-- William Carlos Williams

Your Departure Versus The Hindenburg
Every time we say good-bye
I see it as an extension of

the Hindenburg:
that great 1937 airship exploding
in medieval flames like a burning castle

above New Jersey.
When you leave the house, the
shadow of the Hindenburg enters

to take your place.

-- Richard Brautigan

Xerox Candy Bar

Ah,
you're just a copy
of all the candy bars
I've ever eaten.

-- Richard Brautigan

An Hour
Leaves glowing in the sun, zealous hum of bumblebees,
From afar, from somewhere beyond the river, echoes of lingering

voices
And the unhurried sounds of a hammer gave joy not only to me.
Before the five senses were opened, and earlier than any beginning
They waited, ready, for all those who would call themselves

mortals,
So that they might praise, as I do, life, that is, happiness.

--Czeslaw Milosz

Blessed is the match consumed in kindling flame.
Blessed is the flame which burns in the sacred fastness of the heart.
Blessed is the heart with strength to stop its beating for honor's sake.
Blessed is the match consumed in kindling flame.

--Hannah Szenes

As an Evil Overlord, I will make sure I have a clear understanding of who is responsible for what in my organization. For example, if my general screws up I will not draw my weapon, point it at him, say "And here is the price for failure," then suddenly turn and kill some random underling.

After I captures the hero's superweapon, I will not immediately disband my legions and relax my guard because I believe whoever holds the weapon is unstoppable. After all, the hero held the weapon and I took it from him.

If I ever talk to the hero on the phone, I will not taunt him. Instead I will say this his dogged perseverance has given me new insight on the futility of my evil ways and that if he leaves me alone for a few months of quiet contemplation I will likely return to the path of righteousness. (Heroes are incredibly gullible in this regard.)

If an attractive young couple enters my realm, I will carefully monitor their activities. If I find they are happy and affectionate, I will ignore them. However if circumstance have forced them together against their will and they spend all their time bickering and criticizing each other except during the intermittent occasions when they are saving each others' lives at which point there are hints of sexual tension, I will immediately order their execution.

I will see to it that plucky young lads/lasses in strange clothes and with the accent of an outlander shall REGULARLY climb some monument in the main square of my capital and denounce me, claim to know the secret of my power, rally the masses to rebellion, etc. That way, the citizens will be jaded in case the real thing ever comes along.

My doomsday machine will have a highly-advanced technological device called a capacitor in case someone inconveniently pulls the plug at the last second. (If I have access to REALLY advanced technology, I will include a back-up device known as a battery.)

If I have children and subsequently grandchildren, I will keep my three-year-old granddaughter near me at all times. When the hero enters to kill me, I will ask him to first explain to her why it is necessary to kill her beloved grandpa. When the hero launches into an explanation of morality way over her head, that will be her cue to pull the lever and send him into the pit of crocodiles. After all, small children like crocodiles almost as much as Evil Overlords and it's important to spend quality time with the grandkids.

If one of my daughters actually manages to win the hero and openly defies me, I will congratulate her on her choice, declare a national holiday to celebrate the wedding, and proclaim the hero my heir. This will probably be enough to break up the relationship. If not, at least I am assured that no hero will attack my Legions of Terror when they are holding a parade in his honor.

Whatever my one vulnerability is, I will fake a different one. For example, ordering all mirrors removed from the palace, screaming and flinching whenever someone accidentally holds up a mirror, etc. In the climax when the hero whips out a mirror and thrusts it at my face, my reaction will be "Hmm...I think I need a shave."

"You are aware, I assume, of the scientific discovery that our universe lives side by side with a parallel universe. The two universes, identical in many respects, are opposite in electrical charge and magnetic property: the 'anti-universe,' so called, is in effect a mirror image, a reverse copy. Well, certain amino acids are left-handed, some are their reflection, right-handed. The right-handed amino acids are impossible to digest and can be harmful to life. It's smart not to eat anything you find in a mirror. As for those novels which claim to 'mirror' reality ... may a word to the wise be sufficient."

-- Tom Robbins, "Still Life With Woodpecker"

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